Just Ask

Husbands can't read your mind.

Assuming you’re a normal sane human being that understands we do not live in a science fiction realm, this information is not revolutionary. Of course they or anyone else can't actually read minds.

But here's my question.

Why do so many women act like they do or should?

Ok so mind reading may not be the proper term but how about expectations? Ah yes. That's the one.

Expectations can be good. In fact, there is always some measure of expectation that comes with having a relationship of any kind. In a close friendship you would automatically expect that person to be kind and loyal to you. In a marriage/romantic relationship, you would expect your partner to be faithful (I would hope so!!). I would consider these to be healthy and don't necessarily need to be communicated.

I've read so many posts on forums of women ranting about their partners because an expectation (that was not communicated) was not met.

Now let me just come and say that I am by no means perfect in this way. I have been there where I assumed my husband would know what I needed (expected) and when he failed to deliver, I got all salty. But when I took a step back, I could see that he did nothing wrong at all. It's all on me. I put this fierce battle in my head. Meanwhile hubby is whistling about not having a clue.

We need to ask for what we need CLEARLY.

This means no hint dropping, ladies. Guys do not pick up on little hints. They just don't. And we can't get mad about it because that's not the way they are wired! I think because we tend to pick up on little things better (or sometimes we actually think we are but we're reading into a situation far too much to the point of seeing things that aren't even there...), we expect men to be watching for hints as well. Example, if you really want some flowers, don't sigh and say things like "Man. I really love flowers." And then glance over at your guy expecting him to pick up on the fact that what you're really saying is that you want flowers right now. Instead, make sure he's listening and just say, "Could you buy me some flowers? That would really make my day!".

I know what some of you are thinking. "But that's not romantic! I want him to want to do these things on his own, come up with it himself, and surprise me!"

Ok but if you're stuck in that thought process you're going to go mad because he most likely won't. Not because he doesn't care for you… It's probably not something he thinks about!

I also realize as I write this that there are caveats. If your partner literally never does anything for you ever without being asked… then that's probably a bigger problem and some communication needs to happen. But I hope you get what I'm saying. If you have a need that needs to be met, ask. Just ask.

Be nice!

Don't forget to be kind. It's such a simple principle but oh so effective. Another hypothetical example: You've started getting a little frustrated because every evening when husband comes home from work, he sits on his phone and you wish he'd come sit with you and chat for a bit. Three things can happen. 1) You don't say anything and feel angry. 2) You outburst with something like, "You're always on your phone and never talk to me!". 3) You ask nicely and with love. "Hey honey? I would just love it if you'd come sit with me for a few minutes. I want to talk to you!" The first two options invite bitterness, the third invites intimacy/connection.

I know that there are many caveats to this topic. If your husband literally never does anything for you, then that needs some communication. Marriage is a partnership and one that will thrive if both of you have servant-hearted attitudes.

We've all heard the saying that communication is key. Let's not forget that. Let's be clear with what we need. I think our partners would very much appreciate it. Be kind. Just ask.