It Doesn't Get Easier

They keep saying it gets easier.

But I'm finding that isn't really true. Perhaps one aspect of parenting gets easier but it is promptly replaced with some other difficulty. Often an even more challenging one.

One thing you will learn about me if you continue to read my material is that I am a perfectionist. I also over think. Compare. Have crippling anxiety… I'm a bundle of messes! I'm working on it I promise. (Self-awareness is a good step right?) So I keep waiting impatiently for it to "get better already!"

I had a personal epiphany hit me one day when a family member took my two year old son for the day and I was left alone with my newborn daughter. Those few hours with one child felt like a vacation. It was so easy! I wasn't constantly juggling trying to give equal attention to both kids, nursing, disciplining my toddler, changing multiple diapers at once, trying to clean something, calming both kids down, remembering to feed myself, etc. If baby C was happy or napping, I could do whatever I wanted. I could even lie down on the couch without my son sitting on my face.

During this time, I remembered what it was like when I was a first time mom. It was a challenge! Learning everything from scratch and taking on a new level of selflessness that can only be experienced through motherhood. Some days I felt like breaking and I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to care for multiple kids, let alone one! Even while I was pregnant with my second I was often terrified.

One day I'll probably have 3 kids and then 2 will seem like a breeze! Ok maybe not a breeze… but perhaps not so much the chaotic hurricane winds it feels like most days.

So here's the lesson: It doesn't get easier, you get stronger.

Parenthood is like weightlifting. In order to build muscle, you need to continually up your weights. Resistance, sweat, and effort are required. Therefore, exercise will essentially never be easy. Having another kid is like majorly upping your weights. What used to take all of your energy and capacity no longer drains you. Your strength has improved and you can take on more. As I enjoyed my time with one child and reflected on this, I felt encouraged knowing that I have become stronger. I may feel like I'm always pushing that line marking my limits, but that line has indeed moved (and is moving) further.