Date Your Spouse

Ahh the date life. Remember those first few twitterpated months as boyfriend and girlfriend? You spend literally as much time as you can with one another and continue to call/message the moment you part ways. I chuckle to myself as I remember texting my husband-then-boyfriend lovey dovey things such as "Miss you already!, "Can't wait to see you again!", "I like you so much!". (Ha. The "I like you phase") Dating is a very fun and frequent time in that first chapter of relationship. It's also incredibly important in the business of getting to know someone on a deeper level and figuring out if the two of you could potentially become life partners. You might even say dating (or quality time) is essential to keeping the relationship alive. I'll go farther as to say that dating is a vital component within marriage as well, and that is my focus for the rest of this post. I believe you should continue to date your spouse throughout marriage. It is absolutely essential that you both spend good quality time with each other. Go do something fun you both enjoy, grab a cup of coffee, go for walks, laugh together! Of course, the frequency of dates dramatically decreases after marriage and moving in with one another. You no longer necessarily have to make special plans, because now you see your spouse all the time. But here's the thing: spending time just being in the same room as your partner is very different than spending quality focused time WITH them. Going out for a date invites connection and communication to take place. But what if we have small children? A lot of things change after you have kids and having a few minutes for each other can seem impossible some days, let alone going out on a date. Many couples after having a baby don't go out for months. Your lives are suddenly so consumed with the new little person that has entered the scene that your marriage relationship can feel like it's on hold or maybe even decline. I use the word intentional a LOT and I will honestly never stop using it. Intentionality in your marriage relationship becomes even more crucial after kids. Just because the freedom of being able to go out whenever you want is gone does not mean it's impossible. You must find a way. Ask a family member or trusted friend to come take care of the kids/babies so you can do something. Even if it's just for a quick walk together. If circumstances in your home don't allow for you to get out of the house, don't underestimate the benefit of an "at home date". Some great times I've had with my husband were late evenings after the kids are in bed. This may seem simple but some of my favorite times with my husband are when we pour a couple glasses of wine then sit on the couch and chat. A Tip for Dates... This is probably really obvious but I just have to throw this in here… Put the phones away!! I find it so sad to see couples out for dinner at a restaurant and they are both glued to their cell phones the whole time. Don't lose the ability to talk to one another. "But what if we don't know what to talk about?" Nope. No excuses. If you have to print off a little questionnaire or bring along topic discussion cards no matter how silly it may seem then do it! Also, keep it fun. A date is not the time to discuss the budget or bring up problems. Keep that separate. Have Fun Make the relationship with your spouse a priority in your life. It is so easy to become complacent or distracted, but just like any other relationship, you must put time and effort into keeping up a meaningful connection. Laugh together. Find activities you mutually enjoy. Try something new. Don't forget to have fun.